Once upon a little stream, flowing merrily to “heaven,”
Through a meadow in a forest long ago,
Calla lilies sprinkled there, trumpets flaming from the sunrise,
Were two big-ass backwards boats, I know, I know;
“When I thought this was a fairy tale, with purple dragons breathing wishing wells,
Pink and pretty, like a princess on a stroll,
You fucking pulled the rug from under, you little shit you’re gonna get it,
I’ll have you know I wear a nine, I’m not a troll;”
Easy now, just calm it down, let’s get back to the story,
So the backwards boats were floating down a stream,
Until the glare became a giant nail, piercing through the keel with vengeance,
And then a goddess shrieked a thunder cracking scream;
“I feel it now, I’m feelin’ it, but I still might want to punch you,
For talkin’ ‘bout my pretty feet that way,
But right now I can’t stop laughing, pick me up or roll me over,
And thanks for being there, and for sending love today;
Of course, you know I’ll always be there, taking care of you and stuff,
And I think you understand the reasons why,
But you know what’s cool about right now, what’s so fucking fabulicious,
You’re too far away to punch me, haha bye;
Once upon a little stream, flowing merrily to “heaven,”
through a meadow in a forest long ago,
Calla lilies sprinkled there, trumpets flaming from the sunrise,
Were two big-ass backwards boats, I know, I know!
*Backwards boats refer more to my clumsiness than anything. When I walk around with my hand on my best friend’s back, sometimes I accidentally step on her flip-flop or heel, and so I tease her that the reason for this is that she has these big backwards boats for feet — playfully blaming it on her — when it is totally me. She is actually a tall, beautiful woman whose feet are rather nicely sculpted. But it makes for a fun tease, and some dangerously potent punches! Hahaha …
