Each of us has things that really matter to us, whether we realize it or not. Whatever they are, we are willing to go through a lot for them. They are usually related to our physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual needs. When we consider the chakra system, which represents the real hierarchy of needs, it becomes clear that the things that matter most parallel the functioning of this system. The chakra system is dynamic, sometimes situationally (it may fluctuate from one situation to the next), and often longitudinally (it usually changes over time as we grow and develop), which means that the chakras receiving the focus, and consequently those things that seem important to us; may change as well. Most things in life correspond to particular chakras, and a few may span the range of all of them. Relationships, unlike most things, have the potential for existing across the entirety of this life-giving system. For the sake of practical simplicity, and as reflected in the Alternative Shrink site design, these energy vortexes can be understood as relating to Survival, Emotions, Confidence, Love, Communication, Intuition, and Understanding. Each chakra vibrates at a particular frequency, and manifests a spectrum of color. These include Survival Red, Emotional Orange, Confident Yellow, Loving Green, Communication Blue, Intuitional Indigo, and Understanding Violet. These seven vibratory frequencies and colors are foundational in the chakra system, the Vedic astrological formulae, and the rainbow. They are also the sevenfold vibrations of light and life, together forming energy and then matter, at a subatomic level. They are the substratum of the universe, and every cell of physical existence. Whether cosmic or material, they are inescapable. They influence our relative levels of happiness and the very essence of our creation. Understanding them explains a lot about our lives.
Why We Want a Relationship Right Now
It is important to figure out why we want a relationship right now, and what our longer term needs and interests may be. Are we looking for casual company for now, or are we ready for a long term committed relationship? Do we need a place to live, someone to cling to emotionally, or a passifier for our insecurities? Do we crave good sex, and want to find someone to get it from? Do we believe we are a social failure if we are not hooked up? Are we fooling ourselves, or do we really know why we want a relationship? We must also garner such awareness pursuant to prospective playmates, whenever possible, since they, too, will traverse these dynamic echelons. Did we just go through a breakup, lose a job, or suffer an assault? If so, then our basic needs for survival may be sparking our relationship interest, and when these needs have been satisfied, most things (including the appeal of our partner) may seem very different. Are we emotionally unstable, perhaps due to past trauma or unresolved issues; or are our emotions open and available for balanced sharing? Are we needy and insecure, or are we confident in the person we are becoming? Are we skeptical or fearful about love, or are we welcoming of its joy, vulnerability, and connection? Are we unable to communicate our wants and needs because of guilt, insecurity, or poor self esteem; or can we speak up about the things that really matter? Is our intuition blocked, or can we share this higher view with our seeming sweetheart? Do our lower level needs preclude our passionate pursuit of understanding? Our interpretations of everything, including our budding love interest, are influenced by our position along this hierarchy of needs. If we are not taking proactive steps to meet these needs through prescriptions like those outlined below, then we may find ourselves getting into a relationship, or staying in one, to satisfy them. Then, when we find other, more natural ways to meet them, our fantasy lover may lose their fairy dust (or our exotic allure to them may fade). For a relationship to be healthy, these needs should be met first, so we are not depending upon the relationship to fulfill them. We will then be free to share the love and companionship (rather than depending upon the relationship for needs satisfaction. We will also be more likely to hold on to the love and respect felt for our companion, as it will be based more on natural appreciation and sharing than need fulfillment. One question we can ask ourselves is “Am I happy, really happy, by myself; and am I seeking companionship so I can share this happiness with another?” If we cannot answer yes to this question, then we might want to focus on understanding ourselves better, and learning how to naturally meet our needs, before seeking the harmonizing ardor of a relationship. Some people enjoy having a dating coach to help them with such things.
Companionship and Our Hierarchy of Needs
Depending upon our position within this hierarchy (Survival, Emotions, Confidence, etc.), the presence of a relationship in our life could represent many different things. It is helpful to understand what it really means to us. If our relationship interest is based on lower level needs satisfaction (like survival, emotional instability, or insecurity), then when these needs have been met, we may no longer be interested in our partner. Or, if we fail to grow beyond this point, we may resent the fact that we need them for this reason. And what about them? Why are they interested in us? It is important to honestly discover and plug in these data in order to truly understand the potential for success in our relationships. If we are only seeking a casual connection, an unencumbered hookup, then it doesn’t really matter very much. If we want something enduring, like a lifetime companion, then it is critical that we see and understand. No matter how aware we become, or how able we are to factor in such wisdom; we may still not find the truth in our relationship. It may be serving a higher purpose, and therefore taking a different course than we had hoped for. Nevertheless, incorporating the seven colors of companionship into our relationship development process will increase our health, happiness, and potential for a lasting love connection.
Seven Colors of Companionship
When we want a healthy, sustainable relationship, we can choose one of the following prescriptions based on our current set of needs, practice it daily, and realize its benefits. When things change, we may want to switch to the color that best fits our new situation. It is important to be aware of our position along this hierarchy, so we can mindfully factor it in when determining what our relationship interest really represents. It is also critical that we use methods such as those outlined below to deal with these life situations, rather than trying to use our relationship itself as the solution. These prescriptions will create the platforms for healthier, happier relationships in the absence of unresolved core personality issues and their accompanying defenses. For those with such issues and defenses, therapy or spiritual teaching may be indicated. Self awareness and self acceptance, gained through truth and responsibility, are the keys.
The practices within this prescription will help us manage following a trauma or loss. It is important that we do not initiate a relationship as our method for recovering from a crisis. If we do, then when the urgency is over, the relationship may be as well. Critical incident stress debriefing, additional sleep, earthing, weight training, cardio, relationship support, meditation, and hatha yoga will help restore balance, grounding, and resilience following a crisis. Increased protein consumption, cedar incense, ruby, garnet, or hematite gemstones; and balancing yoga poses such as Tree, Eagle, and Dancer will also help us regain our footing after a real or perceived crisis. Addressing urgent matters through the use of these methods will make us less likely to try to do so through a relationship.
This recipe will help us cope with stress, depression, and mood instability. It is important that we avoid starting a new relationship before addressing such concerns since, if we start one, it might bear and burn out on their burden. Cognitive therapy, helping others, daily gratitude lists, hobbies, cardio, weight training, tantra yoga, and meditation will help restore calmness and stability to our mood. Increased fluid consumption; orris root, gardenia, and damiana incense; pearl, carnelian, moonstone, and coral gemstones; and yoga poses of Triangle, Forward Bends, Shoulder Stands, Plough, and Butterfly will also help us feel better during difficult emotional moments. Since this is where the dreamy delectation of our exotic bliss blossoms from, that rhapsodic radiance flowing out of joy into sensuality; we want to make sure we are not using our relationship to stabilize our mood. If we do, then our emotional control will be externally based, our stability situational, and we will depend upon our partner for our emotions. This creates a one-sided connection, may feel good to us for a while, but may grow tiresome to our partner who wants an equal. Since those euphoric bursts of steamy sex can be intoxicating and addicting, we want to make sure our emotional needs are met before plunging into its lustrous love libations. If not, then our relationship may be based on emotional dependency or sex, will be unfulfilling and unstable, and may fizzle like the fireworks of our fantasy.
This prescription will help us feel better if we lack confidence or self esteem. Again, it is important that we fulfill these needs through natural, healthy methods; so we don’t try to use our relationship to satisfy them. Public speaking, spending time with positive friends or family, hobbies, giving, gratitude lists, helping others, weight training, cardio, meditation, and Kundalini yoga will increase our personal power and improve our mood. Eating more carbs; dragons blood, sandalwood, saffron, musk, cinnamon, and ginger incense; red coral, amber, topaz, yellow citrine, and rutilated quartz gemstones; and yoga poses of Cobra, Bow, Abs Strengthener, Leg Lifts, and Crocodile Variation will also make us bolder and more secure in who we are. When we cultivate our courage through such methods, we will be less likely to depend upon our sweetheart for strength and hope.
When we have not yet accepted ourselves, when we do not yet love the person we were created to be; these suggestions will help us treasure who we are. It is important to love ourselves before we try to love another. If we don’t, then the struggles we will see in our relationship will actually be a mirror of our lack of self acceptance and love. Since such conflicts are misdirected (attributing their causes to our relationship rather than ourselves), they cannot be resolved; and often destroy our love connection. Giving, planning a trip, going outside for 20 minutes each day, practicing genuine smiling, throwing negative thoughts in the trash, spending time with positive people, helping others, hobbies, cardio, weight training, meditation, and Bhatia yoga will help us learn to love and accept ourselves. Eating more green fruits and vegetables; lavender, jasmine, orris root, yarrow, marjoram, and meadow sweet incense; emerald, tourmaline, jade, and rose quartz gemstones; and yoga poses of Locust, Camel, Cobra, Fish and Pranayama will also help us cherish who we are. Remember, if we try to love another before we learn to love ourselves; we will project our lack of self love on our relationship, perceive a lack of love and trust from our companion, create more problems by blaming our partner for our own dilemmas, and be unable to resolve the issues because we’re not considering the truth of what they are (our own lack of self acceptance and love).
When poor communication is bringing us down, then this formula will give us the needed lift. We need to make sure we can openly and assertively express our needs, ideas, and opinions before considering a serious hookup with another. If we don’t, then we may blame our snuggle buddy for what we ourselves can’t do. Therapy or classes for communication, brain training, hobbies, daily writing about positive things, helping others, unencumbered giving, going outside for 20 minutes each day, burning negative thoughts written on paper, cardio, weight training, meditation, and mantra yoga will help us express the things important to our heart. Increased fruit consumption; frankincense, benzoin and mace incense; turquoise, aquamarine, and celestite gemstones; and yoga poses of Lion, Shoulder Stand, Plough, Headstand, Camel and Fish will also improve the ways we communicate and share. Open, honest expression of feelings, needs, interests, and desires can help prevent the resentment, passive-agressiveness, destructive acting out, and deception that can demolish the designs of your delightment.
When illusion is inhibiting our discernment, then these practices will open our eyes. When we share intuitive awareness with our companion, it can sweeten the rhapsodic radiance of our romance. If one of us has developed this gift, and the other has not; then we must make room for its light in our luster. Sensitivity training, planning a trip, weight training, cardio, meditation, and yantra yoga will help us see the bigger picture. Increased silver intake; mugwort, star anise, acacia, and saffron incense; lapis lazuli, quartz, and star sapphire gemstones; and yoga poses of fish, sealing posture, and shoulder stand will also increase the scope and clarity of our inner vision. Sharing the broader universal view gives us more points within the cosmos to connect through.
When we lack awareness of higher consciousness, and when this distracts us from our dream; then this approach will help us understand the way. Sharing a connection through the conscious infinite light, through the universal consciousness of truth, is becoming one with creation through our love. Meditation and Jnana yoga will turn on the light of awakened consciousness. Fasting; lotus and gotu kola incense; diamond and amethyst gemstones; and yoga poses of The Headstand, The Lotus, and all Meditation Poses will also lead to enlightened, happy living. To share love within the lustrous revelation of this conscious creation is to cruise the infinite pools of star powered possibilities, hand-in-hand, and soul-on-soul. If one of us has attained this relative state of enlightenment, and the other has not; then it is important that we accept, embrace, and encourage its love song. If we don’t, then the knowing one may ascend beyond our reach, and leave us wondering what went wrong.
So choose the most applicable color prescription, practice it daily, and enjoy the improvement in your health, happiness, and relationship.
Photo credit: Rodney Campbell