While socializing last night, I noticed some things about myself, and wrote about them this morning. As a shrink, they are things I hear people talk about all the time, but had never really experienced myself. So I started a little self awareness project this morning, to continue heightening my awareness in such situations. I’ll share some tidbits, tips, and tricks with you along the way, under the playful umbrella Social Eyes which sports a play on socialize and suggests what we all need to do — observe and control ourselves in real time while interacting with others. Yeah, it’s kinda dorky, but so am I, I think. And, yes, it’s raining here, at my Big Island home, where a hurricane looms, and the rain forest meets the sea…
So, I was with some good friends I hang out with often, and one I haven’t been with for a while. They were all sweet, caring, responsible people. I am in a relatively rusty, or at least dusty place when it comes to dating. They are all friends, and I’m not interested in romance with any of them. They are like family to me. Sure, we can play around, and tease each other and stuff; but I know enough to know that, when the dust settles, we are friends. And this is awesome. So what’s the big deal? Well, it isn’t really a big deal. I would call it a little deal, if it’s a deal at all.
Okay, so there was this girl, she was perky and playful, and I watched myself start acting differently around her. Maybe it was the Chimay, or her infectious, bubbly energy; but I was sitting there, inside my own mind, watching myself try to get her attention, focusing on her more than my other friends, and realized a familiar pattern had been activated inside of me. And, it was against my will, or at least without my knowledge — but then how do you explain the fact that I was sitting there watching it unfold? This pattern was the somewhat stupid way I act when I think I’m interested in dating someone. Consciously I knew I wasn’t (interested in this with her), but something inside me was over-riding my conscious choices. It was a mysterious, rascally visitor. Having studied biology at a pre-med level, as well as researchers like Dr. Winifred Cutler; and understanding the role of the brain in patterning responses; my intuition tells me that this is my biological drive to procreate recognizing an opportunity to help our crazy species survive. What do you think?
Maybe the Chimay, my favorite dark beer, encouraged my biology to insidiously creep up on my reason, overwhelming it with a surprise attack before it realized what had happened? And then once it had seized control, it held on to it with a lusty passion? Makes sense, yeah? I mean, no one probably even noticed anything except me … and maybe her … and maybe everyone else … but this is definitely something I don’t want to have happen again! I love socializing, but felt like a bit of an ass when looking back at my silly, unexpected surge of stupidity (what it seemed like to me compared to what I was thinking and wanting to do).
So I started some personal notes this morning to make sure my consciousness has control over my … well, you know … I also decided to ask my friends about it. Whew!!! Nobody noticed anything … or are they just not telling me, to be nice??? Just kidding … but this is what I sometimes hear from those I have the privilege of guiding through the sexy land mines of life … Cheers! 🙂
Photo Credit: Gratisography