As I mellifluously meander along the dynamically extending reaches of memory lane, that magically morphing roadway of life that lengthens without notice, and changes direction based on a a thought or strong emotion; with my dad by my side; we walk and talk about some things held deep inside. While strolling across places of love, learning, laughter, work, and sorrow; his earnest, gentle wisdom fills my soul. “Love is life. When you find that special woman, cherish her, respect her, and protect her with your life,” my father says. “Learn your lessons well, and then share what you learned with others.” “Experience the joy in every moment’s sweet embrace. No matter what happens, we can deal with it, accept it, and find its grace.” “A job worth doing is worth doing well,” he says with deep sincerity. “When we find love, we also find suffering. This is the other side of the coin. Whether pleasurable or painful, we must accept it and believe in what we know.”
As a humble servant of humanity, sprouting sagaciously from the seeds of my father’s strength, courage, and selflessness; I grow higher, stretching upward toward truth’s radiance. Rich with natural wisdom, my dad set examples of balance, equality, and responsible living. From as early as I can remember, he worked hard, loved hard, played hard, and relaxed hard. He built a successful oil business even though he did not graduate from high school. He bred golden retrievers and Brittany spaniels. He loved sports, music, hunting, fishing, and boating. When dressing up, he was impeccable — my Mom described him as a king. Although thoroughly masculine in the traditional male sense, he was gentle, nurturing, and loving; and there was nothing he would not or could not do. He was accepting of my blindness, and helped me prepare for those overwhelming future prospects like not being able to drive, career limitations, and self acceptance. As I endured numerous traumas, he was always there. Once, when I was assaulted by eight drunken rednecks, one of which was the captain of the local police force, after playing a gig in a club; I flatlined and was awakened once again. With broken jaw, missing teeth, fractured skull, and flattened nose; I took those guys to court, with my Dad beside me. I could go on and on, but to avoid a post like my last one, I’ll stop with this:
After finishing my two Bachelors Degrees, and moving from Illinois to Nebraska to intern and start graduate school; not knowing a single soul in Lincoln; I wrote my dad a song. Writing music and poetry helped me deal with my loneliness. So here are the lyrics to the song (complete track available for your listening pleasure in our audio player). It is called “Daddy I Remember.”
I lie beneath the blankets, thinkin’ back upon the yesterdays,
And find you there to guide me through the night,
Your hand to bring protection, and your heart to give direction,
As I trembled in the darkness needing light, needing light,
And Daddy I remember all the things that you once told me
As I walked along beside you in the rain,
But the days now run together into years, don’t know whether
I can stand the lonely hours and the pain, the pain.
I walk along the sidewalks, trying desperately to find my way,
And barter for the dreams that make me whole,
I stumble down the corridors, and struggle through the open doors, To satisfy the hunger in my soul, in my soul.
And Daddy I remember all the things that you once told me
As I walked along beside you in the rain,
But the days now run together into years, don’t know whether
I can stand the lonely hours and the pain, the pain.
Photo Credit: David Amsler
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