If you are in the habit of people pleasing to be liked, to avoid conflict, or to simply get what you want; it may be time to stand down by stepping up. Stand down from the pretentious stagecraft, moldy manipulations, and encumbered generosity by stepping up to truth, love, and responsibility. Like the orgasmic rush of junk food sex or a heroin high, people pleasing may generate a scintillating moment of great pleasure while cutting pieces from our sweet, angelic soul. As the bliss fades, we are left with the wounds of another poor decision. And then what? In order to experience this false sense of acceptance, peace, or happiness again; like an icy fix or back door booty call; we must do it again. People pleasing, although a product of our choices, gives our power to those from which we seek fulfillment; and leaves us only emptiness, guilt, and hunger.
With Valentine’s Day rapidly approaching, especially for those considering matrimonial proposals, it may be prudent to re-examine what the truth is. Try to push and pull away the glitter, sparkles, and fantasies; the wine, weed, and sexy dance; the hopes, dreams, and diamond rings; the dating, games, and pure romance. After removing such dreamy costumes and cosmetics, what is the naked truth that stands before you now?
It may be helpful to assess for unresolved issues, like inadequacy, victimization, abandonment, or loss of control to gain the self awareness needed to see such people pleasing patterns. If there, then, with this awareness, focus on developing the self control needed to resist such people pleasing urges, and replace them with carefully considered words and actions that truthfully and responsibly support your beliefs, values, and integrity. Stop selling yourself for the temporary gratification of an ego fix. Whatever you choose, do so with truth, love, and responsibility. You may need to talk with a counselor, coach, or confidante to gain an accurate understanding of your issues (because your mind may try to stop you from seeing them)..