TV: Hey Ray, I snagged this 96 inch Sony LCD HD 3D Smart TV, complete with 24 HDMI ports, 16 USBs, Blue Tooth audio, with 25.4 JBL surround sound for a measly $2.99!!! Can you believe it? Oh, and they threw in an HK receiver designed for this system! Oh man oh man oh man … What? Screw the bruised and starving children they used in its manufacturing and packing! That’s not my problem! Wait until you check out my dazzling home theater! Disposing of my old TV? Shit, I’m just gonna chuck it over the fence at that overgrown, deserted lot just outside of town. You know the one I mean — that place where everyone goes. They call it the WalMart Warehouse.
Laptop: I was also able to grab an Asus 15.1 “ souped up laptop, with a 500 brontobyte hard drive, 64 zettabytes of ram, a 7.13 gazillacore processor, HD 3D monitor with tactile interface, only 5 millimeters thick, with a programmable animated case. That’s right, its outer shell becomes your favorite youtube video, surfing scene, or dancing super hottie!!! What is it with you and those tortured third world children? It sounds like you need to get sloshed, loosen up a little, and get laid! Oh, and the best part is that I only paid $5.99!!! Can you believe it???
Xbox: If that wasn’t enough, I scored an Xbox 360 64 zettabyte console, with a translucent manual or thought-based controller, built in wi-fi for traditional or neural networks, and a shitload of games! Guess how much I paid for this sucker??? $1.99!!! Yes, I will toss the old one in the bushes along with my TV, and, no, I do not care how they are able to sell it so cheap! I am only stoked that I got them!
Have an awesome holiday season and don’t forget to stop by to check out my new toys!!!
Photo Credit: Gridprop