Your hard work and flexibility have paid off; as through them you have created a dreamy life, the perfect relationship for you, and an awesome, satisfying career. There is, however, this nagging little thing, this pernicious proclivity toward impulsivity, or losing focus, or something; that stirs up poignant perturbations in your peace. You have tried to isolate it, study it, and remove it from the methods of your mind; but it remains elusive, and from its presence there are moments you seem blind.
One such tendency, often lingering in the dark recesses of relatively enlightened minds, hiding down there to preserve its symbiotic, leech-like existence; is the ego-driven need to people please. When, from anxiety or excitement, we allow our ego-based needs for being liked, looking good, or seeming smart to over-ride our priorities, values, or plans; we may do or say things we don’t understand. In my healing work I see this often, and most are not aware of it. Many realize that something just happened, it doesn’t feel good, it seems like they did something wrong; and then they start creating excuses, justifications, or explanations to make it seem right. Before long they believe that, whatever happened; they did the right thing, the problem was caused by someone else, and they are blameless. Their partner, children, or friends are usually objecting in some way, scratching their heads, or hemming and hawing their way down a dead-end street.
Commonly occurring examples include crossing boundaries, making independent decisions about things that should be shared, and doing things that you would never do. Once uncovered and understood, people often describe the state they are in when this occurs as being under the influence of something, or being totally unaware. For instance, if you have a policy of being cordial with close neighbors, but remaining uninvolved in their lives; to keep it comfortable, stay out of the rumor-driven crossfire, and avoid intrusive, unexpected guests; but one day when you are feeling anxious you offer them the normal kindness, they jump on the opportunity, and you hear yourself (through disbelieving ears) offering them something, or agreeing to something you would not otherwise consider in a million years; resulting in discomfort, angst, and fears; you have done it, and see confusion through your tears. Other examples include making decisions about big ticket items without first discussing with your honey; agreeing to go out with someone from work when you already know this is bad juju; agreeing to let someone else do something for you when you know your sweetheart wants to; or allowing your extended family to invade your home, take it over, and push your partner rudely out the door. When we are ttemporarily taken over by the anxiety or excitement of the moment; we sometimes fall prey to such peril; and, if so, it is important that we understand it, address it fairly, and learn to overcome it through presence, clarity, and peace.
When we have mastered our ego, we will experience much less anxiety, our excitement will be balanced, and we will hold on to our priorities, values, boundaries, and plans no matter what. With this comes great freedom and effectiveness. The first big step involves greater self awareness, followed by anxiety reduction, relationship enhancement, and work on personal responsibility.
You might also enjoy:
- Seven Steps to Self Awareness
- Anxiety and the Brain: 25 Routes to Safety
- Five Exercises That Will Strengthen Your Relationship
- Five Steps to Responsible Living
Photo Credit: Flickr